


The Magic of it All

by ifollowthesun



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Gwen (Merlin), BAMF Merlin (Merlin), BAMF Morgana (Merlin), Bad Parenting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23449834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifollowthesun/pseuds/ifollowthesun
Summary: A curse meant for the future queen of Camelot hits Gwen instead, a curse that fades its victims away piece by piece, and renders them unconscious. It is at Gwen's deathbed that Morgana realizes that her love for her is real and strong, but it might be too late for confessions now that her love is disappearing before her very eyes.
Relationships: Gwen/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	1. Leave this Place.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, this is my first fic! It takes place in the canon era, and in this universe, Arthur and the Knights know about Merlin and Morgana's magic and wholeheartedly support it. Uther is still king (unfortunately), but that could change... 
> 
> Leave comments/critique! If you have any questions contact me, I'd love to make some friends on here :)

It was always the evenings that Morgana loved the most. She would sit in front of the mirror and watch as Gwen carefully brushed and braided her long, dark hair. They would talk about everything and anything that had happened that day, and laugh about the strange excuses the men of the castle would make to try and cover up their ridiculous adventures. However, Morgana's favorite part of their nighttime routine happened just as the stars came out. She would lead Gwen to her bed and study the lines in her palms, trace them with her finger until she could sense the energy coming off of her. She would wait until Gwen was attuned to this as well, and then they could begin the lessons. Morgana had been teaching Gwen magic. It could be learned, after all, and Gwen had made remarkable progress in their few weeks of lessons; she could already make words appear on paper and lift small objects off the ground, which was no small feat. On that night, Gwen took deep breaths, focusing on the candle being held in Morgana's outstretched hand.

"You're nervous," Morgana noted.

"I just... need to concentrate is all," Gwen replied, "Was it like this for you too when you first started learning?"

"It comes with practice, you know," Morgana said softly. Gwen wrinkled her brow in frustration. She straightened up, a renewed look of determination on her face. She spoke the spell quietly, but the power in her voice could be felt as the Old English phrase left her lips. Morgana looked into her eyes as they flashed... silver. It was unlike any sorcerer she had seen before, but her surprise was cut off with a squeal from Gwen. The flame was hovering a few inches above the wick, its flickering casting long shadows on the wall. Gwen was breathless with fascination and a ridiculous smile graced her face as she gazed at the fire.

"You did it!" Morgana was incredulous, that spell had taken her nearly a month to learn, and here Gwen was, two and half weeks into training making flames leap off their wicks. Most of all, however, she was proud. There was something wonderful about sharing these quite literally magical moments with her maid, and Morgana wished they had thought of doing this sooner.

"I-I didn't think it would work this time around! But... wow. You're quite the teacher m' lady." Gwen's smile faltered as she looked out the window. It was dark out now. She met Morgana's eyes. "If that's all?"

It took Morgana a moment to respond. "Oh! Of course." Gwen curtsied and made her way to the door.

"And Gwen?"

"Hm?"

"Do be careful, it's awfully dark out." A worried expression crossed Morgana's face. "Are you sure you don't want a guard to accompany you?" Every night Morgana asked the same question, and every night Gwen refused. Nothing had ever happened to her, she was too well-respected amongst the people of Camelot for anyone to try anything against her, but it was nice to know that Morgana cared so much for her. Gwen hoped that Morgana knew that the care was returned.

"I'll make it home somehow, I'm sure," Gwen teased, "Good night m' lady."

"Good night, Gwen." And then Morgana was left alone in her chambers, hoping that the night would pass quickly. She closed her eyes to sleep, and all she could see was silver.

_____________________________________________

Her footsteps echoed through the long stone hallway. Gwen nodded and smiled at the guards, they all knew her and liked to chat every once in a while, which made their long nights just a bit more bearable. She turned the corner into a lesser-guarded corridor. Something felt... off. Her pace quickened. The sooner she got home, the better. Gwen was on high alert, her eyes scanning the spaces around her, and soon she could make out the silhouette of a cloaked figure at the end of the hallway. A man, based on his intimidating size and height, and he emanated strange, quivering energy, similar to what she had experienced with Morgana. 

It was magic. 

She stopped, but the figure across from her didn't. Gwen turned on her heels, sprinting back the way she came, thinking rapidly of any way to defend herself. The guards would only be of use if the sorcerer decided not to cast a spell, which was highly unlikely, and the only people strong enough to cast a shielding spell were Merlin and... Morgana. She was closest, and though she hated the idea of putting her in danger, the footsteps behind her were growing louder and louder, and Gwen could hear the sickening thumps as the guards' bodies hit the floor. Morgana's door was so close, so very close. The sorcerer called out to her, laughed, and slowed his pace. Gwen pounded on the door.

"Morgana! It's me, it's Gwen! Please, I-I- just open the door!" Her words were taught with panic. She had her back against the door. The man was standing close to her now, and Gwen met his eyes with fury. If these were her last moments, she would do her best to fight whatever was going to happen. "Leave this place. These lives are not yours to take."

The sorcerer tilted his head. "She underestimates you."

"What?"

"The Lady Morgana. You must be her serving girl." The man closed his eyes and inhaled, almost like he was testing the air. "You are weak right now, but your magic has... extraordinary amounts of potential. The things you could do with that..." He trailed off.

"Why are you here?" Gwen knew she was biding her time until an attack, and she desperately hoped that the door would open. 

"I seek the woman you so loyally serve. But I'll give you a choice: you let me through, and no harm will come to you, or you come with me, allow me to teach you the ways of the Old Religion."

"No." Gwen shook her head vehemently. She just had to hold out a few more seconds. "I won't abandon my people for some back alley apprenticeship!"

The sorcerer's face twisted into a snarl. "This is your last chance!" he boomed. "Step out of the way, or I will make you regret your insolent words!"

"She will regret nothing!" Morgana's voice lashed out from the doorway. Her eyes were panicked. "Step away!"

"Stay back Morgana!" Tears were rolling down Gwen's cheeks and she gripped Morgana's arm behind her, trying to protect her, but the sorcerer had made up his mind. A bright light filled the hallway and a crack resonated across the walls. But when the light dimmed, Morgana stood standing, the sorcerer was gone, and Gwen lay on the floor, her chest rising and falling slowly.


	2. Stay With Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of Wikipedia articles I had to read for this one... whew. Good queen content in this though, hope you enjoy! :)

"I'm afraid there isn't much I can do. She seems to be alright at the moment, but until I can find out which curse has affected her I see no way of waking her up." Gaius was evidently distraught, as was Merlin, standing beside him and looking at Gwen lying peacefully on Morgana's bed. Morgana directed her attention to the young man. 

"And there's nothing you can do either? No spells to reverse it?" Morgana said, desperation in her eyes.

"Like Gaius said, we need to know what kind of curse it is," Merlin sighed, "I can look in my books, there might be some sort of answer in there, I just... I wonder why he cursed her." Outside Morgana's chambers, a crescent moon hung low over Camelot. It would be morning soon, and by the looks of things, no one would be getting much sleep that night. Gaius broke the silence by announcing that he would be going to do some research in the library, which left Merlin and Morgana to watch over Gwen.

"I should probably be going as well, two minds are better than one with something like this," Merlin stated, beginning to make his way towards the exit.

"Wait," Morgana called after him, "Merlin, I don't know if this changes anything, but I'd been teaching Gwen magic." Merlin turned around slowly and sat down in a chair near the bed. "I've been teaching her for about a month now."

"How was it going?" 

"I... it was incredible. She showed me tonight, she could already make flames hover above their candles."

"But that usually takes months to learn. Do you know how she managed to get it so quickly?" Merlin sat forward in his seat, glancing over at Gwen, who hadn't yet shown any signs of waking.

"Believe me, I was as surprised as you," she shifted in her seat, and her eyes flitted around the room.

"There's something you're not telling me."

Morgana looked away. She took a few moments to collect herself and finally turned back to the warlock. "Merlin, I know you've met lots of sorcerers in your adventures," she paused, "Did their eyes ever... did they ever flash silver instead of gold?"

"No, at least none that I've seen," something appeared to click into place in Merlin's mind. "Did Gwen's do that? Were they silver?" 

"Yes, I just saw them the first time tonight. Does it mean anything?" There was hope in Morgana's voice.

"It just might." Before she could say anything more, Merlin was out the door and rushing down the hall. Morgana sighed, and leaned onto the bed, resting her head in her hands and looking up at Gwen's face. 

"There is hope for you yet," she whispered, and fell asleep to the sound of her breathing.

_____________________________________________

"Gaius!" Merlin sprang up, looking around the stacks of books strewn across the floor of the physician's chambers. It was light out, and Merlin hadn't slept a wink, but you wouldn't know it from the nervous energy coming off of him. "I think I found something!" The old man stirred, lifting his head out of a volume titled Mars and Its Silver Moons: An Anatomy of the Stars. 

"What is it, Merlin?" he grumbled, peering over at the young apprentice, who looked like he was going to burst if he didn't say what was on his mind.

"I was looking through the old Greek books, the mythology, you know?"

"What do the Greeks have to do with this?"

"They would place silver coins called obolos on the eyes of the deceased to pay Charon to get them over the river Styx," Gaius nodded along to this, having perked up at the mention of silver. "The one mention of silver eyes I could find alluded to the ability to shift between the realms of the living and the dead," Merlin concluded.

"You don't mean to say that Gwen has that ability? Wouldn't she have known by now that something was... different?"

"That's what I thought, too. But you see, necromancy and the like is different than the type of magic me and Morgana have. You could go your whole life without knowing you have it. It requires a gateway of sorts to be fully expressed by the sorcerer, and I think Morgana may have been that gateway."

Gaius sat back. "It makes sense, but how does that help us reverse the curse?"

"It doesn't, really, but if things were to go... wrong, I don't think that Gwen would be completely lost from us." The weight of the statement hung in the air. Merlin sat down and rested the palm of his hand on his cheek. Now that he had told Gaius about his discovery, he looked exhausted. "Did you make any progress on finding out what the curse is?" He looked hopeful.

"There's a few possibilities, but it's impossible to tell until any symptoms develop. It could be days before we have an answer." Gaius stood up and stretched. "Go get some rest. I'm sure Arthur will understand if you aren't able to attend to him this morning." Merlin was too tired to argue. News of Gwen's ordeal had to have reached Arthur by now, and he was as close to Gwen as Merlin was. Just as he was about to reach his bedroom door, the door to the main room opened suddenly. A page stood there, breathless.

"Gaius, I've been sent to retrieve you. Your presence is required at once." he stated, still panting.

"Might I ask why?" Gaius responded evenly.

"It's one of the guards that was guarding Morgana's chambers last night," he paused to catch his breath. "He's still alive."

Gaius met Merlin's eyes. It seemed that any form of sleep would have to wait.


	3. On Guard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen is up to something, the guard proves to be somewhat useful, and Uther is awful (no surprise there).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to give our lads some screen-time, hope y'all enjoy this one! I'm aiming for 2 chapters a week, might be more though what with having nothing to do at the moment. <3 Also trigger warning: verbal abuse and a punch (eek)

Gwen couldn't see much of anything. She was drifting, vaguely aware of the fact that she was dreaming. Visions of a chair, a table, and a solitary, anonymous figure phased in and out of her awareness. The figure did not speak, but knelt down to Gwen, who thought she might be lying on the floor. You shouldn't be asleep right now. Had the thing (person?) talked to her? She wasn't sure, but the thought remained clear in her head, and she knew it was the truth. She should be awake right now, doing... something, but she couldn't bring herself out of the haziness far enough to see where her physical self was. She wondered for a while who the sweet-voiced figure in her dreams was, but nothing seemed important enough for her brain to latch onto.

But what was this? A presence, of sorts, a warm and welcome one. She could feel herself shift slightly as the presence grew nearer. So she was on a bed, that much she knew. A low, singsong voice called out to her, asked her something. Gwen didn't know what the question was or how to respond. Something was familiar about the way the voice chided and warmed her, and she cycled through names she could remember, but none of them fit the aura of the person sitting by her side. There was a name missing, she just had to search around for it.

Morgana. The name fit, and her memories came back in a rush of emotion. The night when it had just begun and her magic lesson, and then the sorcerer, and then... this strange state of being. Gwen desperately wanted Morgana to know she was there. Speaking and movement were off the table, but surely there was something she could do. Focusing all her energy on the words she had studied day in and day out, a clear phrase formed in her mind: beorht āhebbe. The magic left Gwen's body, and next to Morgana a flame started to drift away from its source. A small gesture, but the message couldn't have been clearer to the woman by her bedside: Gwen was still there.

_____________________________________________

The guard had been moved to the physician's chambers, and Gauis was tending to the large lump on the unfortunate man's head. He was awake, and his eyes were wide open and fixed on something only he could see. Merlin and Arthur shared a worried glance after seeing the man's haunted expression. With his head bandaged and taken care of, Arthur moved to speak with the man, hoping to get a lead that would help them find out how to heal Gwen. "Be careful with him, he took quite a hit," Gaius looked at Arthur sternly, reminding the prince that although he needed the information, the health of the patient came far before any other matters. Arthur nodded solemnly and sat down in a chair across from the guard.

"I'm, uh, sorry about what happened," Arthur began, "we can't always foresee these types of-"

"What of the others?" the guard cut in, "There were four of us. What happened to them?"

"Sorry, who?"

"The other guards by the Lady Morgana's chambers," the man looked up at Arthur.

A pained expression crossed Arthur's face. The man in front of him, as far as he knew, was the only survivor of the ordeal. "I- they weren't as fortunate as you."

The guard started to breath heavily. "They have families. Linoy, he has four daughters and a son. Belkan has a sick wife, and... and Rolin... he must be alive, no?" The list of names meant nothing to Arthur, and although he tried, he didn't always know the relations and names of the various people who helped keep the castle in order. Merlin, on the other hand, knew everyone, and more often than not, their stories. He knelt down in front of the guard and took his hand in his own.

"I know Rolin loved you very much," Merlin began. Realization dawned on Arthur, and he suddenly wasn't so sure he wanted to continue this questioning. The man clearly needed time to heal. Merlin's voice cut through his thoughts. "He told me something once, when I was helping him plan your engagement. He told me that no matter what was to happen to him, there wasn't a man in the world he would rather spend his moments with. We," he paused to gesture to the people around him, "will do absolutely everything we can to bring him justice. His life will not go unhonored, that much we can promise you." The guard was trembling, but a small, sad smile had appeared on his face at his recollection of his late husband's words. He sniffled and nodded gratefully at Merlin, who stood up and resumed his place by Gaius.

"What I remember from last night," he started, taking a deep breath between phrases, "the man was very big. Tall, definitely, but I couldn't see much under his cloak. He said something, but it wasn't a language I knew," here he took a longer pause, trying to put together the pieces of what happened next in his mind. "There was a flash of... light, I think. It was the strangest thing. Everything went silent while the light was there, I didn't even hear my own breathing, it was... silent." The guard had trailed off, the lost look returned to his eyes. 

"Thank you for your time," Arthur said gently, "I'll see to it that the other guards' families receive all the support they need."

The man nodded wordlessly. Gaius said something about letting the poor soul rest, and Merlin followed Arthur out of the room. They walked down the corridor together in silence. The hallways by the physician were usually quiet at this time of day. "Will anything he said get us closer to any answers?" Arthur inquired. 

"I think we might know which spell was cast, but I won't know for sure until-" Merlin was cut off as they rounded the corner and caught sight of Uther. He moved a few steps behind Arthur and bowed his head, remembering the dislike Uther had for the mingling of servants and their nobles. 

"Ah, Arthur," Uther's eyes flitted to Merlin and then back to his son. "I've been meaning to speak to you. I assume there's a very good reason why you weren't in attendance at the council meeting this morning?" His eyes held barely concealed disappointment. 

Arthur tensed up. How was it morning already? He had completely forgot about the blasted meeting. "Yes, Father, of course. I assume you heard of the events of last night?"

"A man took down a few guards and the maid. What of it?"

Arthur could feel Merlin tense behind him at the careless mention of the lives of his friends that were lost the night before. He would be lying if he said he wasn't feeling the same rage. Through gritted teeth, Arthur responded to his father. "We have good reason to believe that sorcery was involved."

"We've sent out a patrol, but if he's gone, he's gone Arthur. I don't see why this has caused such a fuss."

"Were you aware that Guinevere, the maid you spoke of has been cursed? She's on her deathbed and Morgana is beside herself with sorrow! We just finished questioning a guard that survived the whole ordeal, and he's traumatized! I wouldn't be surprised if this sorcerer's acts take more lives than intended." Merlin winced at the implications of Arthur's statement, and at the rising fury in the king's face.

"Do NOT raise your voice at me!" the king yelled (oh the irony), "She is a serving girl and should hardly be worth your concern! There are dozens of others to take her place, but you are my only son and I can't have this dismissal of more important political matters! If this continues, I fear that my kingdom will be falling into the wrong hands after my death," he finished. 

The words were final and filled with contempt. Arthur's face became suddenly calm, which never boded well. "Arthur, don't," Merlin hissed under his breath. Either Arthur hadn't heard him, or ignored him, because what he said next to the king seemed to seal his fate for the following seconds.

"Then let it fall," Arthur said, each word clearly and calmly directed at his father. A blow landed on Arthur's cheek, knocking him to the ground. Uther pulled him up roughly by his shirt collar. He seemed as if he was going to say something, but settled for pushing his son back to the cold, stone floor. The king whirled on Merlin next, his breath hot in the boy's face. 

"Not a word of this to anyone," he spat, shoving Merlin roughly into the wall and striding down the hallway. Neither man moved until Uther had was out of their sight. Arthur sat still on the flagstones where his father had left him. A bruise was forming on his face. Merlin knelt down and put a comforting hand on the prince's shoulder. They didn't say anything for a long time. There was nothing left to be said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY (Arthur deserves better)
> 
> Also that part in the beginning is actually what happened when I passed out once (happens more often than it should I guess but oh well), so thanks to whatever entity reminded me I should be conscious at the time :) 
> 
> The spell translates (roughly) to 'light rises'.


	4. Going

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's angst! But also hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out, my mental health decided to frickin whack me in the face for a few days but we're ok now. never underestimate the power of snickerdoodles.

"Gaius! Gaius, please come quickly!" The door to the physician's chambers burst open, revealing a breathless Morgana who looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep at all. The sun was rising higher in the sky, and she could hardly believe that everything was normal all but a few hours ago. Gaius looked up, startled, from his books, which were now strewn about the room, their pages opened to reveal various diagrams and spell instructions. 

"What is the matter, my lady?" he questioned, obvious concern lacing his voice.

"It's Gwen," Morgana started, still catching her breath, "I don't know how to explain it, it's like... I can see through her," she paused again, and her voice started to tremble as she continued. "She's fading, Gaius, and I don't know what to do." Morgana stifled a sob, and Gaius got up to retrieve his supplies. 

"This may be a blessing in disguise, my dear," he said softly, guiding Morgana out of the room and making their way to where Gwen lay.

"What?"

"It confirms my suspicions. I do believe I know which curse has affected her so."

"Is there... there must be a way to reverse it then, yes?" Morgana's eyes were wide and filled with hope. It was then that Gaius realized how deeply she cared for her maid. Becoming so close with servants must run in the family, he thought with slight amusement.

"There is a chance. But I can't tell you when we're out in the open like this," he said hurriedly, "Is Gwen still in your chambers?"

"Yes, but Uther intends to move her back to the Lower Town,"

Gaius nodded. Moving the maid was probably not a good idea if what Morgana had said was true.

The pair entered Morgana's chambers, Gaius sat next to Gwen on the bed and observed her state. "What was she like when you left to retrieve me?"

"It was just her hand, I swear," Morgana looked down at Gwen as well, noticing now that her arm up to the elbow was all but gone, a ghostly distortion of air all that remained in its place. She couldn't help but wonder if the curse would actually kill her, or if she would just be doomed to wander as a ghost of herself, not being able to interact with those she cherished. Morgana didn't think that either option was comforting in the least. "You said something about a cure?" 

Gaius lifted his head and sighed. The woman across from him had so much hope, and he wanted to preserve it, keep it alive, because hope, however real, could do a great deal in how successful a spell would be. "Yes. Merlin and I were doing some research last night," he began, unsure how to phrase this next part, "we believe that Gwen was born with magic," Morgana's mouth opened but Gaius lifted a hand to stop her. "Let me explain. You said yesterday that her eyes glowed silver when she successfully cast a spell?" Morgana nodded. "Merlin found the only mention of such eyes, and sorcerers with them are said to be able to walk between the worlds of the living and the dead. She wouldn't have known that she even had that power if you hadn't opened the door to it. One could say you acted as the catalyst for her magic."

Morgana stared with renewed awe at Gwen. "So what is the cure?"

"It is by no means a simple one. This curse can be broken, but it must be done by casting a spell that is performed at both ends."

"Both ends?"

"We need Gwen to perform the spell within her mind at the same we cast it from outside. There is a good chance she is fully aware of what is happening around her, though speech can be notoriously contorted when traveling into the mind of a soul suspended in the space between life and death."

"But how will she know to cast it? Is it even within her power to do so?"

"I have no doubt that she has the power, but she might not know how to use it." The two sat in silence. Morgana's eyes lit up suddenly.

"Gaius, you said she can go between worlds. If she's suspended halfway at the moment, might there be a way to push her to the living? I know she can use her magic, she made a flame rise while I watched over her at night."

This development made Gaius optimistic. "That is impressive, considering her minimal training. Perhaps we could find a way to allow her access to another living form where she would understand what we are asking of her. I've heard of such spells before, they transfer someone's spirit to another living vessel momentarily."

"How long will we have with her?"

"It depends on who casts it. If the concentration of the caster in broken even for a moment the spirit will return to its original body. We could have anywhere from a few seconds to a few hours with her."

"What of the body she inhabits for the time period? They don't have to be... dead, do they?"

Gaius looked shocked at the idea, "Oh goodness no, the body just has to allow her passage into it. No one's spirit gets misplaced, the two simply inhabit the same space for a while. It isn't exactly comfortable, and it can be draining for the host, having to fight to balance the two souls, but I think it will work. We might just have ourselves a plan," he paused and reached across Gwen to lay his hand over Morgana's, "You're more clever than you give yourself credit for. You may have just saved your friend."

Morgana smiled, a tear escaping her eye and rolling down her cheek. There was hope for them yet.

_____________________________________________

The silence in Arthur's chambers was stifling. Merlin made himself busy, polishing the prince's chain mail in the corner of the room. He was tired, but not willing to leave his master's side, especially in his current mental state. Arthur sat cross-legged by the fireplace, his hands resting against his chin. Merlin couldn't help but notice how small he looked at that moment, almost childlike. That part of Arthur had significantly diminished since the first time Merlin had met him, but he hadn't noticed the absence until now. Arthur broke the silence, letting out a shaky breath. 

"It's gonna be alright, you know," Merlin said softly, quietly. Arthur dropped his hands, tracing the gaps between the stone bricks of the floor. "Has it, this, happened before?" he tried again, trying to infuse his voice with as much calm as he could. There was a long pause before Arthur spoke.

"What did I do?" he said, his voice rising, "Why would I have said that? I love Camelot!" his voice dropped suddenly, its shakiness returning. "I don't want to see it fall."

"It's not your fault. You were angry, and you had good reason to be. King Uther will forgive you, Arthur. You're his son."

"But where does it end? I'll just disappoint him again, and at some point, he'll no longer want to forgive me. I'll always fall too short in his eyes, and there's nothing I can do to change that," he dropped his head and stared into the fire, "not that I'd expect you to understand."

Merlin set down the polishing cloth and fingered the metal fabric between his hands. "You'd be surprised," he countered quietly.

Arthur stood up, frustration emanating from him. "You have no idea what it's like!" he spat, "I've always trusted him to do what's best for the kingdom and its people. And I've tried to follow in his every footstep but I'm starting to think that his morals aren't as pure as they seem. I'm losing faith, and the more I lose the harder it is to be a good son in his eyes!" Arthur turned to face Merlin, his face contorted in rage. "Don't say you understand, because I know you don't! I visited Ealdor, you have people that would do anything for you, and then you come here and tell me you know what it's like? To be betrayed by your own father?" He was standing closer to Merlin now, who was still sat on the floor. He couldn't help but shrink away from Arthur's silhouette, the fire illuminating his features eerily.

Merlin spoke to the ground, not willing to meet Arthur's eyes. "At least you know who he is."

"What?"

"I don't know who my father is. I only heard about him in stories," Merlin slowly raised his eyes to meet Arthur's. His voice was steady and calm, "He left. Right after I was born. He left my mother to take care of a son she couldn't afford to care for. My parents barely made it through the winters on their own. You don't know, Arthur, how many nights my mother and I spent waiting for death to take us when there was no more wood for the fire. Every day that my father was gone, every night that my mother and I suffered was a betrayal in my eyes," Arthur's expression softened, and his shoulders slumped, the built-up tension being release slowly. "You think I wanted to come to Camelot," Merlin's voice was trembling slightly, his emotions showing through his cool facade, "You thought this was a choice. I left Ealdor to ease the burden on my mother. I miss her, I do every day, but at least now I can send her some of my pay and know that she'll be safe through the year."

"I'm sorry Merlin, I... I never thought..."

"You never thought to ask. That's okay. I don't like talking about it anyway." Both men collected themselves in silence. "It really isn't your fault, alright?" Merlin scanned Arthur's face imploringly, hoping to understand what was going through his head.

"He just..." Arthur trailed off, his eyes fixing on a spot somewhere above Merlin's shoulder. "He's never hit me like that before. He didn't hurt you, did he?" Arthur cursed himself internally for not checking on his servant afterward. He had just been so dazed that he couldn't think about anything.

Merlin stood up. "Arthur, I'm fine, it's just you that I worry about sometimes," there was no amusement or sarcasm in Merlin's voice. His worry couldn't have been made any clearer. "None of us chose this. None of us chose the world we were born into. But that doesn't mean you can't choose who your family is. You'll never be alone, at least not here in Camelot." Merlin reached a hand out, tentatively placing it on Arthur's forearm. He squeezed his hand. 

Merlin, for all the ways he could be idiotic, was also painfully attuned to other people's emotions. His kind words, the gentle pressure of his hand to ground the prince to reality all proved to be too much for Arthur. Before he could do anything about it all the sadness, the frustration, the loneliness, the pressure to be great combined with the absence of anyone to show him how to achieve it came up to the surface. Tears started to flow uncontrolled down his face, and his throat constricted, his body beginning to shake with emotion. Before he knew how he got there, Merlin's arms had moved to wrap around him, and Arthur resisted no longer. He rested his head in the crook of Merlin's neck, and his chest shook with sobs. 

Even after Arthur had quieted down, the two stayed that way for a while, Merlin rubbing small circles into his upper back with his thumb, the way his mother had done for him when he was younger. Arthur let himself be supported by the embrace, his breaths evening out at their own pace, and his arms hanging loosely around Merlin's own neck. Later, when Merlin had gone and Arthur was left to get some rest, the prince would look at the metal polish now smeared on his tunic and wonder if he had ever felt so safe as he did in Merlin's arms that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know if I want Merlin/Arthur to be a romantic thing in this fic, but let me know what you think! I finally know where this is going and I'm thinking it'll be around ten chapters. Thanks to everyone who's stuck with me and my inconsistent uploading <3


	5. A Soul Fit for Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come. Their only chance at saving Gwen lies in the hands of two sorcerers, alike in power.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! You thought you could get rid of me that easily. I'm back! And welcome to the penultimate chapter. There's nothing I hate more than an unfinished fic, so the ending will be up within the week, and it will be an absolute fluff-fest. Thanks for sticking with me!

It had been two days since the incident involving the sorcerer. Two days and nights full of skimming through books, barely sleeping, and making preparations for the group's attempt at saving Gwen. Speaking of which, Gwen was still fading. It was becoming difficult to make out who exactly she was, now that her face had partially become translucent. The ghostly distortions of her hair and body shifted constantly and occasionally glowed a soft silver. Gaius said it was Gwen's attempt at healing her body with magic, and upon hearing this made Morgana very proud of how far Gwen had come, even in unconsciousness. The plan was to be enacted that night once everyone was done with their duties. It would've been done sooner, but doing complex magical spells in broad daylight within the walls of the Citadel was not the safest option. There wasn't a safe option, but it was the only one they had. 

Merlin, Gaius, and Morgana would all meet in her chambers when the time came. Arthur would try to be there, but he had been attempting to win back his father's trust and avoid suspicion, much to Merlin's concern. Merlin would cast the spell that transferred Gwen's soul to another host. Said host was Morgana, who's magic would be strong enough to keep both people afloat when sharing the same body for at least a few minutes. Gaius would give Gwen the instructions, answer her questions, and send her back to her own body as quickly as possible. Then the tricky part came. Merlin would attempt to pull Gwen's soul back up to the world of the living, while Gwen on her end tried to push herself up. This would be the first time any of the sorcerers had tried this spell, and if the strain proved to be too much on either caster, Gaius and Morgana were to stop Merlin from continuing, even at the expense of the woman fading away before their eyes.

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Night had fallen in Camelot. The only sounds that broke the night's quiet were that of the horses in the stable, whinnying softly as they settled in for a good rest. Within the Citadel, the shadows of two men, one young and one hunched over with age, cast a break in the flickering torchlight of the hallways. A woman at the end of the hall beckoned them into her room with worry in her eyes. The door to Morgana's bedroom closed behind them.

"Is Arthur here?" Merlin asked quietly, pursing his lips.

"I'm afraid not. He said there was a council meeting tonight, you know how late those run," Morgana replied, kindness lacing her words, "But it's quite likely he'll be able to catch up with us after... after we're finished here." Merlin nodded solemnly. They all exchanged a glance with each other before moving to their positions. Morgana sat down in the chair next to Gwen, and Merlin stood by her bedside, repeating the spell under his breath. His eyes were cast in shadow, Morgana noted with minimal surprise. She was well aware of the long nights the young man had spent practicing this spell, not willing to let his friend die at the hands of his carelessness. 

Gaius placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Whenever you're ready, my boy." There was a long silence before the Old English words spilled from his lips.

"Unc aheardunga ān." Merlin's eyes glowed a soft gold, as did Gwen's body. Suddenly, Morgana began to cough, her eyes widening and shifting in color from blue to brown to flashes of silver. When her voice came out it sounded strange, like Morgana's voice but with Gwen's tone coming in in echoes of the sentences. 

"Morgana?" Gwen/Morgana said. "Gwen-" Morgana/Gwen tried to respond, but Gaius cut her off.

"Sorry my dears, but there's no time for reunions at the moment," he turned to face Morgana/Gwen. "Gwen, I assume you've heard us discuss your current... state?"

"Yes, I heard everything."

"Good. Well, I'm going to need to send you back into your body soon, so I'll make this quick." Gaius was right, despite Morgana's fairly strong magic, here hands were starting to shake on the armrests with the strain of supporting two souls at once. "As soon as I send you back, you need to start to push yourself back to the world of the living. I'm afraid there isn't a spell you can say for this one, you must do it based on feeling. Merlin here will assist you by pulling your consciousness back to us. It will be difficult, but this is our only chance at saving you, so you must promise to give all you can for this spell."

"How will I know where to push from? Or when I've crossed over?" Gwen's voice warbled, the distortion of the souls fighting for dominance becoming more apparent.

"Gaius, I can't hold this for much longer." This time it was Morgana's voice that came out, barely above a whisper.

"Gwen, look for a silver thread. You must find a way to cross it. That's really all I know about your end of the spell. I would talk to you more, but Morgana is going to exhaust herself if you stay in there much longer. Good luck." Gaius nodded at Morgana, who took a deep breath and relaxed suddenly, her body looser as it returned Gwen's soul back to its rightful owner. When her eyes opened, they were Morgana's original blue. She smiled tiredly and let her attention fall to Merlin, who had his hands pressed to his mouth in concentration. 

"Remember," Morgana began, "you can stop the spell if it ever gets too uncomfortable."

"I'm going to get her out," Merlin stated, and his eyes flashed a brilliant gold.

His arms were outstretched, palms facing upward, almost as if he was waiting for an offering. His eyes remained open, golden pools of light that seemed to be focusing on a spot in the center of the room that no one else could see. Beads of sweat had started to form on his forehead. It had already been about three minutes, and Morgana and Gaius shared a nervous glance. "Is it supposed to take this long?" Morgana questioned quietly, trying not to distract Merlin.

"That's the trouble, there aren't enough recorded usages of the spell to know for certain. All we can do is wait." Gaius responded. And wait they did. Around the six-minute mark, it became clear to the rest of the people in the room that Merlin was getting close to his breaking point. His face was slick with sweat, and his arms had started to shake violently in front of him. His eyes still stayed unblinking on the point in the room, but the rest of his face was twisted into a grimace of what Morgana and Gaius could only assume was pain. The physician decided he'd had enough and stood up. 

"Merlin," he said softly. The other man showed no signs of having heard him. "Merlin, if it's too much you can stop."

"I.....'m almost there." Merlin forced out through gritted teeth. He was swaying disconcertingly, but his focus remained unbroken. Morgana had now stood up, and turned to face Gaius.

"Isn't there a way I can help? I could do it as-" Morgana was cut off by a yelp of pain from the young sorcerer before them. By some miracle, Merlin had stayed standing, but the spell appeared to be actively hurting him. 

"Merlin! Stop the spell! It's too much, you'll get yourself hurt!" Gaius had had enough, and the old man looked ready to physically remove Merlin from the room, but all of a sudden a silver thread started to grow between Merlin and Gwen. All they needed were a few more seconds, but by the look on Merlin's face, no one was sure if that was time they had. Somewhere in the background of all the chaos, a door opened. The young man let out a series of whimpers, his eyes now threatening to close. But he was too close, too close to success to stop now. The thread between them grew stronger, and as soon as it made contact with Merlin's upturned hands a fantastical combination of gold and silver light flooded and twisted through the room, gone just as soon as it had arrived. Merlin's legs finally gave out, and he crumpled to the floor. On the bed next to him, a pair of bright brown eyes saw the world for the first time in three days.

"Merlin...?" whispered a voice. Everyone turned their heads to the doorway, where Arthur stood, his face a painting of shock and confusion. It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all liked that chapter. 
> 
> On a side-note, I kinda want to write fanfic based on real people, but I feel really weird doing it even though I'd be respectful of current relationships n' all that. If you could tell me your thoughts on that that'd be great. Anyways, feel free to leave a comment! I love reading/replying to them. :)


	6. Hello, sunshine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night is young, but the words are old and waiting to be said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're gonna go ahead and pretend I didn't promise this would be out in a week uhhhhhh 4 months ago. I just can't leave a project unfinished so I came back!! This is all fluff and wholesomeness, but they all deserve a sweet (albeit short) conclusion. Hope y'all enjoy this final chapter!

Gwen had no idea what just happened. Her eyes, just seconds after opening stared directly into Morgana's. So at least she knew it had worked, it really had. A pale hand came to cup her cheek and Morgana wept quietly into Gwen's nightgown, her head now pressed into her shoulder. Gaius, on the other hand, was occupied with the young man crumpled on the floor, and the Crown Prince wasn't exactly the picture of elation either. 

"What happened?" Arthur's voice was steadier now, the edges of his words tinged with anger and worry.

"Arthur..." Gaius started.

"You said you'd stop him if he was hurting himself,"

"I... Morgana and I tried, but he wouldn't listen,"

At the sound of her name, Morgana turned her head to face Merlin. He was pale, and laying on the cold slate floor. His breaths were shallow, too shallow. She sat up suddenly, the less emotional part of her brain finally turning on. "Arthur, carry Merlin to the infirmary. Gaius, we read about the antidote to this type of magical exhaustion, the longer we wait the harder it is to recover."

The two men stared at her.

"Well? Come on!" Arthur clicked back to life, dashing over to Merlin's side and positioning him in his arms, nodding to Morgana, and leaving the room just as fast as he had entered, his eyes now glassy. Gaius followed suit, his physician's robes billowing behind him. The room fell into a long-awaited silence, but this time a peaceful one. A small voice soon broke the quiet.

"Morgana, this is all real, right?" Gwen said while inspecting her fingers and hands, wary of the fact that she could move them again.

"Yes, Gwen, it really is." A tear rolled down Gwen's cheek. "Oh darling," chided Morgana. She wiped the tear from her face and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before settling down next to her on the duvet. Gwen turned to look at the blue eyes before her. She was smiling, and if Morgana didn't know any better she would've said it was slightly devilish.

"Morgana, dear, I think you have something to tell me," whispered Gwen, her voice taking on a melodic quality.

"I... well, I'm proud of you. For being so strong."

"And?"

"And..." Morgana seemed to finally realize Gwen's connotations, and her cheeks blushed a pale rose. She smirked. "Well, there is one thing that comes to mind."

"I love you." Both women blurted out at the same time, their eyes reflecting the powerful declaration in hues of gold and silver. The candle flame on the bedside table grew, for a moment, higher, but they were so immersed in joy that they paid it no mind. And, as an owl hooted outside the darkened window pane, Morgana and Gwen fell asleep side by side, waking up every so often to steal a kiss, or nuzzle further into the other's shoulder. The bed was never meant for just one princess anyway.

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Between compromising with his cold-hearted father and saving his closest companion from magical burnout, Arthur was exhausted and yet found himself kneeling next to Merlin's bed in the late hours of the night. Despite Gaius' reassurances that the young warlock would be just fine and only needed sleep, he was determined to stay awake until Merlin opened his eyes. The physician had long been aware of the affection the Prince had for his servant, and realizing that there was no sense in separating the two, Gaius brought a cot and an extra blanket up the half-flight of stairs to lay next to Merlin's bed. Arthur looked at him wearily with a smile before turning his attention back to the mess of dark hair in front of him, and Gaius returned to the main chamber, preparing a stew for when Merlin would be conscious enough to eat. It was going to be a long night.

Merlin's room had fallen into silence. The wizard felt at peace lying on his back in his small bed, and was half-aware of the presence of a strong hand on his shoulder, grounding him to reality, a realm in which he was all too happy to be a part of once again. He moved his hand up to meet the one on his shoulder, resting it there, and upon feeling the callouses near his fingertips gave a weak squeeze of recognition: it was Arthur. "Hello," muttered Merlin, still not entirely sure what one would say to the literal prince of Camelot in the early morning hours. 

"You idiot," whispered Arthur, brushing some hair from Merlin's brow, "You never know when to quit, do you?" His words were low and quiet from the lack of sleep. Merlin only giggled in response to his gentle teasing and felt himself drifting off once again. Just before he slipped into slumber, Merlin took Arthur's other hand, holding it against his chest, and made a silent promise to himself to, first of all, get this poor man some sleep, but also do this whole hand-holding thing more often. 

It was, after all, the darkness of the night that left them feeling so free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me and my various excuses for not uploading! This was my first fanfic and it was a great experience to read all your comments, I'm thinking about writing a few more one-shots in this fandom having to do with mental illness/depression, but let me know what you think! (Everything I write has a happy ending cause I can't handle anything else) Feel free to leave a comment, I respond to all of 'em :) <3

**Author's Note:**

> That's the chapter! I'd love some plot suggestions, Lord knows I have no idea where this is going. It won't be all angst, don't worry. <3


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